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  “Fancy meeting you here.”

  She chuckled under her breath, “You need a new opening line.”

  “I know, but I like that one.”

  Veronica turned around long enough to acknowledge Ben as he came to a stop behind her.

  He was having just as hard a time dealing with Nick’s death as she was. They met at his grave often and spent time reminiscing and keeping Nick’s memory alive.

  Over the past year, he had become one of her best friends. With almost everyone else in her life, she kept a wall up around her and nobody even tried to touch her.

  Ben was different. He knew when she needed someone to hold her hand or give her a hug, and he was always there for her.

  He walked over to Ace and started petting him. “I decided that this time we could use some refreshments.” Ben shrugged off his backpack and started rummaging through it. He pulled out a six pack of beer and set it on the ground. He opened a couple and handed one to Veronica.

  “Thanks, after tonight, nothing sounds better than a couple beers.” As she took a swig of her drink, Ben pulled a bone out of his bag and tossed it to Ace.

  At the questioning look she gave him, he said, “What?! If we get a treat he should too!”

  They started chuckling as Ace exuberantly gnawed on the bone with his hind end still in the air. He was holding it down so strongly, that his front paws were pushing the bone around in front of him, and Ace had to keep crawling after it.

  Still snickering, she said, “Anything that makes him that happy is fine by me.”

  After a couple hours of laughing and talking to Nick’s headstone, Ben became serious with no warning. He started picking at the grass at his feet and would not meet her eyes. “You know this has to stop, right? It's been a year...we have to at least try to stop coming here.”

  Veronica stared at the ground without reacting and finally said, “I know...I just can’t yet. He was my whole life...I don’t ever want to forget him.”

  “You don’t have to. I know I never will. He was the best friend a guy could ask for, but he wasn’t your whole life. There were so many of us that were there with you. Everyone at the station...we were your family. If you came back, we would all be your family again. Your medical leave of absence is almost over. Your leg is fine now. It’s time to either come back or tell Blake that you’re resigning.”

  Before she could snap back at him, Ben silenced her. For the first time since he had started the conversation, he stopped picking at the grass and looked her straight in the eye. “I know you’ve built a new life. I get why you don’t want to come back, and I will stick to the deal we made, but I can’t keep going to this cemetery and pretending he’s still here. You shouldn’t either.”

  When Veronica’s unfocussed gaze remained fixed on Nick’s headstone, Ben shook his head and stood up. “Call me whenever you want. You can come over to my place whenever you need to, but don’t expect to find me here again.” With that, he walked away, leaving Veronica to mull over what he had said.

  Noting her mood, Ace crawled over and rested his head on Veronica’s knee. His comfort and warmth spread through her until it reached her heart.

  “I know boy. You’re as tired of these runs as I am.”

  She stood up and took a fortifying breath. In that moment Veronica decided to make a real effort to stop coming to the cemetery all the time. It terrified her more than she wanted to admit. She was not ready to say goodbye to Nick. She had spent every day since Nick’s death avoiding this exact moment. Even when she was not healthy enough to be able to walk without a cane, she always found her way to his grave. But she knew that she needed to stop.

  Her mother had been killed by a drunk driver when she was a little girl. That was one of the many reasons she had become a cop in the first place. Every drunk that she pulled over was potentially one less family destroyed. Her father never recovered, and eventually turned to the bottle to make himself numb. Veronica had been forced to raise herself, while her father drunk himself into a stupor every day. She was determined not to let that become her life. Still, Veronica had dreaded this moment for a long time.

  When Veronica looked at Nick’s grave, a well of sadness opened up inside of her and she did not know how to close it. She had fought for a year to keep a lid on it, but that lid had just been blown clean off.

  “It’s time my love. I have to leave now. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I hope it will be some time... Oh God I can’t breath!” Veronica fell to her knees and gasped for air.

  How can I do this if I can’t even bring myself to say it?

  “ I...love you so much. I will never...never forget you. I’m so sor-sorry. This is all my f-fault. If it hadn’t been for me...you would still be here. I’m so so sorry! Please, please f-f-forgive me!” Her sobs filled the still air around her. She didn’t want Ben to hear her and come back, so she covered her mouth and tried to steady her breathing.

  Once she had regained control of herself, Veronica stood and picked up Ace’s leash. “Goodbye my love. I will always love you.” With that, Veronica started running as fast as her body could carry her, back to the parking lot. Even Ace was straining to keep up with her. She threw herself into her car and drove home. When she got inside and kicked off her running shoes, Veronica was hit by a sudden wave of fatigue so intense that she thought she would pass out right there. She managed to make it back to her room with just enough energy to climb into her bed, fully clothed, before falling into a dead sleep.

  DAY 2

  Fire...Sirens...Searing heat. It's like the whole world has ignited in flame and hate. The air is filled with the acrid smell of smoke and it’s burning my lungs. Who is screaming? I look around to find the woman, but there is no one else here. I don’t understand what’s happening. I try to call for help, but I can’t stop the screaming. The cry filling the night is coming from my own mouth. The sirens come closer and I can see the red and blue flashing lights. I should go get checked out and give my statement. Years of following protocol has ingrained that instinct in me, but I cannot make myself care. All of my attention is on the fire. Someone is asking me something...they’re shaking my shoulders. What are they saying? I know that I should know who they are and what they are saying, but I can’t think. Then suddenly I realize...

  The sound of an alarm intrudes.

  What?....

  Veronica sits bolt upright in bed. “Just a dream...just a dream.”

  She snoozes her alarm and falls back into her pillows, her exhausted body dragging her back into sleep. Before long, her alarm is going off again and she knows that she cannot ignore it this time. Gathering herself for the day to come, Veronica tries to find the motivation to leave her apartment. Rolling out of bed, she tripped over her shoes from the night before.

  With that, she walked out of her room and started getting ready. She studied her collection of slacks and tops, selecting a pair of black pants and a pale-blue, button-up blouse. Once she had showered and gotten dressed, she looked in the mirror.

  Veronica realized that she did not recognise the woman she saw there. She used to be a strong, confident woman with color in her cheeks, and flowing red hair that matched her fiery personality. The woman that she saw returning her stare was pale and mousy, with deep circles under her eyes that she usually covered with makeup.

  Shortly after Nick’s death, she had cut her mane of hair to shoulder length. She had thought to make it even shorter, but that would require styling it, which she did not want to deal with. At this length, she could throw it up into a ponytail every day. She had also considered dyeing it, but decided that was just too much trouble. Even her eyes seemed to have less color than they used to. Nick used to say that they were the color of celery and sparkled when she smiled, but all she saw now was a dull green with no life behind it.

  Looking in the mirror finally proved to her that Ben had been right. What she was doing was not healthy. She needed to start trying to move on with her life. More than
that, she needed to start taking care of herself again. It was time that she started living; not surviving.

  Veronica vowed to call Ben later and apologize. Her old habit of giving herself just enough time to slide into work with seconds to spare, was one of the few things from her old life that still persisted. She grabbed her car keys and ran out the door.

  After Nick died, Veronica had been placed on a medical leave of absence to recover from her injuries. A year later, she was done with all of the physical therapy she had needed, and knew that she could pass the recertification. She had never done the psychological evaluation required to re-enter the force, because she could not imagine talking to a total stranger about her problems. Technically, she could come back anytime she wanted. She just needed to fill out paperwork and pass all the tests. Months ago, she decided that she was not returning to the police force. Even the idea of it used to give her panic attacks. She had not told her old boss that she was going to resign, but she was fairly certain he already knew.

  She found another job to hold her over quickly. It was completely safe and a little boring, but it was what she needed. She always had a passion for art and one of her old friends worked at The Phoenix Art Museum, so she asked her if there were any openings. They had both taken a training course to become docents there after college, so Natasha had allowed her to come back to give tours. Now, it is the only thing in her life that does not feel empty. Being able to teach people about the art got her through the day. There was only one small downside; more a nuisance than anything else.

  While entering the break room she literally ran into that problem; its name was James. He was the type of guy that never gave up, and he had been sniffing after her ever since she had arrived at the museum. In spite of the fact that she was clearly grieving and could barely walk at the time. He was not even deterred by the engagement ring that she still wore on her finger. Normally, she let him drop his lame pickup line then got on with her work, so as not to create drama with a fellow docent. Today however, she was simply not in the mood to deal with him. So she shoved past him before he even had a chance to open his mouth. This earned her a confused look, but she could not be bothered to apologize.

  So she went to her locker and put her things away. After making sure that it was secure and putting her lunch in the refrigerator, she went over to the bulletin board to check that day’s schedule. There were no special tours expected, so it would be a normal day of guiding the few people that came in off the street. At least she would not have to deal with any high school students that were only there because they wanted to get out of class.

  Veronica loved days like this, because she got to wander the museum when she was not doing tours. She got to stop by all of her favorite exhibits and study the beautiful artwork. Only when she was in this building, in the warm embrace of all of her favorite artists, did Veronica finally relax and almost enjoy her life again. She knew she had made the right decision about starting this job every time she got to eat her lunch outside on the grass.

  This morning she decided to visit her favorite painting in the building. She loved all the ones by Joaquin Sorolla y Bastida, because her grandmother had given her a print of his as a child. It was like she could feel her grandmother’s spirit with her when she was looking at his paintings. Today, she needed to talk to her grandma.

  A shadow fell across the room, and Veronica turned to see Ben enter.

  An uncertain grin spread across his face when he saw her sitting on the bench. “I knew I would find you here...you always come here to think.”

  Veronica gave him a polite smile, and turned to look at the painting in front of her. “I was planning on calling you later. I should apologise.”

  Ben came to sit next to her, and shrugged. “Not necessary.”

  Without thinking about it, they leaned into each other. She pushed back against his arm, silently asking for comfort. He lifted his other hand and shifted, so that it came to rest above her knee.

  They sat like that for several minutes before Ben broke the silence. “I know I shouldn’t have given you an ultimatum like that, I just can’t keep doing this anymore. My whole life has been at that grave site, ever since Nick died. I need you to know that even though I’m moving out of the cemetery, you will never stop being an important part of my life.”

  Before Veronica could stop them, tears started rolling down her cheeks. She furiously brushed them away. “Ben, you don’t need to apologise. You were right. We both have to start living again...me most of all. I just didn’t want to hear it last night.” Veronica started shaking as Ben’s arms tightened around her.

  “Veronica...I know this is going to be hard for you. I want you to know that I’m here...no matter what happens.”

  The tone in Ben’s voice made Veronica uncomfortable and she shoved out of his arms. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  He opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted when Natasha entered the room.

  “Veronica, you’re up for the next tour. Be warned that old, handsy guy is back...Oh, sorry.” Natasha stopped dead when she saw Veronica’s desperate expression and Ben’s apologetic look. “What have I stumbled into?”

  Veronica rolled her eyes, “Nothing Tasha, Ben was checking on me...and now he’s leaving.”

  Ben started to protest, but Veronica cut in before he could.

  “Goodbye Ben. I’ll talk to you later. Right now I have a job to do.” She got up and left the room.

  As she was leaving, Veronica heard Natasha saying, “Ben, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

  An hour later, Veronica had completed her tour and successfully avoided the older man with the wandering hands. Still she could not stop thinking about her conversation with Ben. She was torn from her reverie when she nearly walked into Natasha.

  “Where are you today?...Or should I say, who are you with?” The suggestive quirk of an eyebrow made her innuendo perfectly clear.

  “I don’t know what you mean Tasha, Ben and I were just talking.”

  Natasha laughed and responded, “What makes you think I meant Ben? Pretty defensive for someone who was ‘just talking.’”

  Veronica tried not to get angry at Natasha’s assumption, but the lack of sleep and difficult night was making the fuse for her famous temper a tad shorter than usual. “Tasha, you know that it’s not like that with Ben. Not only would it be so beyond weird, but Nick was the love of my life. It would feel too much like cheating on him.”

  Natasha backed a step away, “Calm down Ronnie, I was only joking. But you know...if you were ready to get back out there, Ben wouldn’t be a terrible choice. Especially now that he’s gotten over my rejecting him.” Natasha grinned at her.

  Upon hearing Natasha joking about the crush that Ben had once had on her, Veronica calmed down. Rather than continuing to argue, Veronica chose to just roll her eyes.

  Natasha smiled and turned to walk back to her office. Before she opened the door she looked over her shoulder and said, “You know, it would probably feel a lot more natural than you think.” With that she left Veronica behind and started shuffling through paperwork.

  Veronica stood there in complete shock for several minutes.

  I think Tasha’s gone insane.

  Dating somebody new seemed like sacrilege to Veronica. The idea of it, made her feel sick to her stomach. And to think that she and Ben were some kind of an item, was nuts. Ben was one of the only reasons she had made it through the last year, but there had never been anything romantic between the two of them. Veronica decided that Natasha had lost her mind, and pushed all of those thoughts away.

  Crossing the parking lot after work, Veronica was lost in thought. Until she saw her car. The small, white note card stuck under her windshield wipers threatened to send her into another panic attack.

  This cannot be happening again...

  Logically, she knew she should call the police, but she had to be certain first. It would it be extremely embarrassing to cal
l in all of her old colleagues for a false alarm. Her mind was screaming its denial, so she had to investigate the card. With a shaking hand, she reached to pull it off of her car. As she turned it over, she read the writing that was neatly printed on the other side.

  “HELLO AGAIN.”

  Oh my God! No!

  ◆◆◆

  This is the moment I have been waiting for! She looked so at peace when she left work today. Now all of it has been crushed again. She will never forget, and now she knows I won’t either.

  It would be so easy to end it all right now. One shot from a rifle and she would be down. But it’ll be so much sweeter to drag it out. Every time I see her I want to make her pay...but I know the best way to make that happen is to make it last.

  Oh, look! It’s Natasha. She looks so concerned. Isn’t that precious? She knows something is wrong. I get so much enjoyment watching the implications dawn on her. I’m sure she knows the whole story. After all...she is Veronica’s best friend.

  And the cell phone comes out! I bet I know who she’s calling. Soon this whole area will be crawling with cops from the station. I should go.

  I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!

  I like that...maybe I can use that in my next note.

  Now my cell phone is going off. Gee, what a shock.

  ◆◆◆

  More sirens...more flashing lights. But Veronica did not notice. She had not moved since picking up the note. She knew she should say something...do something, but she could not. Two little words and a period were all that it took to shatter her mind into a billion tiny pieces. It was going to take a moment to make them all connect again.

  After some time, she realized that she was surrounded by old friends. They all looked concerned and serious, but none of them were trying to comfort her. They knew that there was nothing to be said or done. They knew it a year ago and nothing had changed.